Absence: Personal

"Absence fonds the heart."

Throughout my dealings with young heartbreak and rough patches with loved ones, my grandma always told me this. I'm a romantic person, in all aspects of my life. The seams of my world leak poetic significance, sometimes more than I'd care for. I experience with piercing vibrance. I struggled with my gram's idea of absence's role due to the fact I am so adept to pouring my soul into everything and anything. I feel as though I can never give enough. Absence sounded weak... as if I'd perpetually let someone down if I were to create distance in one way or another. I didn't want my heart-fought battles to become lost causes.

Absence and lost causes are two incredibly different entities.

As some may know, I thoroughly enjoy writing. If I could, I more than likely would've triple majored in creative writing and photography along with my current degree in progress, biology (there's still plenty of time on my hands to continue learning obviously, too!). I'm glad I'm not really that insane. Sort of. In the past few months, I've retired my smooth black Tul pens and battered journals to help myself refresh; to learn to think more, yet think less at the same time. By this, I mean to search my soul and explore my options, but in doing so, to step back from stressors and rather just be. I fell into this creative gap, one that I'm sure just about any artist can relate to... when creativity solidifies to silent, remorseful white walls, routine melts down into a stagnant puddle of suffering productivity, and then the questioning... What the hell am I even trying to convey? The disappearing accumulation of ink blots smeared across my palms lead to become an interesting journey, but perhaps a blank slate is precisely what was required to continue in a forward motion. 

Absence has fostered progress in my life. 

Absence of writing... absence of particular ideas... absence of unhealthy infatuation...

[Inclusion of more of the formerly neglected necessities that collectively build my purpose.]

There are only a few more weeks left in the college semester, and as soon as final exams are behind me, you can expect me to get wordy again. :)

-et